This is the time of year that teens are coming in my office for therapy and talking about their college applications. Teens and their parents are discussing how well they have done in their AP classes, how many extra curricular actives they have to list, and how wonderful their SAT scores are.
All of this is great however they are missing out on a key piece of the college discussion. That piece is once they get into their dream school will they be able to handle it? This is the piece of the conversation I bring up. I discuss these next three key issues and make sure that the family has a plan in place to succeed.

1. Your teen has not learned the skills to live independently.
Can your teen cook and do their own laundry? Parents often tell me their high schoolers just don’t have time to do their own cooking or laundry so they do it for them. If they cant figure out time management skills in high school they sure wont once they hit college.

2. Your teen is easily overwhelmed.
Can your teen manage their own schedule, talk to teachers on their own, do their own projects/studying independently?
The knee jerk reaction to this question by most parents is of course they can but once we dig further its clear thats not the case. Too many times parents feel the need to structure homework time and review test prep with their teens. If you teen cant study independently and figure out when to start a paper or project they wont be able to do it in college. Many times when I tell parents to step away from the homework their concern is that their teen wont be able to get strong grades. If your child cant make good grades without your involvement that should be a strong indicator that you need to rethink what colleges are realistic.

3. Your teen hasn’t had the opportunity to fail.
Has your teen been in a situation where they struggled and was able to turn it around without parental involvement?
When your teen struggles in school they need to be the one to approach the teacher and ask for help. They need to be able to figure out study strategies that work for them and implement them. Parents have gotten into a habit of “saving” their teens to avoid teens being upset. This behavior starts early on in childhood. Parents with good intentions of seeing their kids be happy inadvertently have lead them down a path of not understanding how to deal with frustration and work through it.

Interesting Fact:
The 6 year graduation rate for first time college students attending a 4 year school was 60%.*

*U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics. (2018). The Condition of Education 2018 (NCES 2018-144), Undergraduate Retention and Graduation Rates.